In the beginning, there was Colonel Cobs. Growing up on a Cuban farm he walked miles to school where he was relentlessly teased and called kernel. To cope with the abuse, he adopted the nickname “Colonel” and focused on the name to deal with the attacks. As a child, his favorite toy was a sail boat which he found in a puddle on his way home from school. He dreamed of joining the US Navy and when enlisting, he insisted that he be given the rank of Colonel. Although he qualified, he was turned down because the US Navy did not have the rank of Colonel. Disappointed, he joined the Cuban Navy and over the years worked his way up to the rank of Colonel. With years of effort, he was finally allowed to captain a boat. He often bragged that it was the largest rowboat in the entire Cuban Navy. Although he spent most of his adult life landlocked in the Cuban Navy, he developed the urge to wander. He wrote a poem called “Come Sail Away” which was the basis for a song by Styx several generations later.
Colonel had only one son whom he named Kernel. Colonel figured that if he named his son Kernel, the kids couldn’t tease him by calling him that. Unfortunately, being called a kernel, even if it was his proper name, had its repercussions. Kernel never amounted to much, dropped out of school, was usually unemployed, and was taken advantage of by wayward women.
Colonel who had become quite eccentric in his old age finally satisfied his urge to wander. He heard of the gold rush that was occurring in Patagonia. Colonel convinced Kernel to accompany him on his quest for gold. Colonel was going to invest his entire estate in the venture and needed help. Kernel who was somewhat of a buffoon was more than happy to have an all-expense paid trip to the tip of South America.
The Patagonian Gold Rush would be their greatest adventure. Although they worked hardly, the gold they found was stolen and they went bankrupt. Hoping to find the criminals who stole their gold, they became bounty hunters. They were quite successful at their new profession. Kernel partied with criminals and Colonel captured them. Together they earned enough to afford passage on a ship to Europe. Kernel enjoyed Amsterdam and while he was partying one night, the elderly Colonel got lost and never returned. Kernel was alone and his money was running out, but he had just enough to secure passage on a Chinese junk and returned to Cuba.
Kernel Cobs failed to live up to Colonel’s work ethic. His livelihood consisted of selling week old newspapers that he found discarded in the open-air latrines near the Naval shipyards. He marketed them by selling them as papers to wrap Cuban cigars and other smoking items. He was a prolific father and sired 17 children that we know of. His middle son, Corny, was brilliant. His IQ was equal to that of all the other children combined!
Corny Cobs was so smart that he was admitted to the only law school in Cuba that allowed smoking cigars in class. Corny had inherited his fathers love for wrapping cigars in old newspapers. He quipped that it was a news flavor. Unfortunately, in his first year of law school he had a course in Professor Kingsfield’s class. Kingsfield was made famous in the movie “The Paper Chase.” Like so many others in the class, Corny dropped out.
Faced with the dreadful prospect of selling old newspapers like his father, Corny decided to start a business. He wanted to grow tobacco, wrap it in old newspapers and sell them from his car. After all, Cuban cigars were world famous and his cigars would be news. He developed an advertising campaign that would attract an entirely untapped market: people who did not smoke cigars. It focused on the wrappers; the buyer could read them! And since there was new news every day, they would be return customers. Unfortunately, when Corny applied for a business license, he found that the taxes on cigars were so high, it would make the business unprofitable.
It was then that the first stroke of genius in the Cobs family struck. Since there was no tax on haircuts, he would open a barber shop and give away a free news cigar with the purchase of a haircut. That was the beginning of the Cobs barber shop story. Corny opened his first barber shop, “COBS Cuts”, in Havana, Cuba, and gave away a free cigar with every haircut. It was a smoking success! Soon, other barbers wanted to do the same thing. Corny opened up a franchise and licensed barbers all over the world to copy his business model.
In the generations since Corny started his barber shop, doctors have said that smoking old newspapers was hazardous to one’s health and that reading the news was addictive. So modern barber shops have stopped giving away free cigars and give free coffee instead. In some areas of the world, haircuts are lower in price than a cup of coffee and Corny’s marketing system thrives.
Today, “COBS Cuts” has opened in Butler, Missouri with haircuts for men priced at $9 and for women at $18. Walk-in hours for haircuts are 9 to 5 on Tuesday through Friday and 9 to 2 on Saturday. For other services (dye, streak, perm, etc.) call 660 464-3167 for an appointment scheduled before, after or on Monday, but never on Sunday.
As I was writing this history of the Cobs family, an odd coincidence hit me. “COBS Cuts” could have opened anywhere in Bates County, Missouri, and affectionately in Amsterdam, Missouri in honor of the lost Colonel. Mysteriously, it opened in the old barber shop at 227 North Main Street, Butler, Missouri that was run by Charly for decades . . . .
(Read the following while humming “The Twilight Zone” theme)
“COBS” could be an acronym for Charlie’s Old Barber Shop! Wow! It proves again that “truth” is stranger than fiction.
As additional information we have reprinted part of Colonel Cobs poem (Thanks to Styx):
I'm sailing away
Set an open course for the virgin sea
'Cause I've got to be free
Free to face the life that's ahead of me
On board, I'm the captain
So climb aboard
We'll search for tomorrow
On every shore
And I'll try, oh, Lord, I'll try
To carry on
I look to the sea
Reflections in the waves spark my memory
Some happy, some sad
I think of childhood friends, and the dreams we had
We lived happily forever
So the story goes
But somehow we missed out
On the pot of gold
But we'll try best that we can
To carry on
COBS Cuts 227 N. Main St., Butler MO 64730 660-464-3167
Open Tues-Fri walk ins 9 to 5, appointments before or after
Saturday walk ins 9 to 2 Monday by appointment only, but never on Sunday! Men, women and kids welcomed
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